Naughty mummy

[Ed: re-worked for 2012 Britmums Imperfect Parenting Carnival, hosted by the lovely Michelle at Mummy from the Heart]


Kids, dontcha just love their honesty? Their innocent questioning of the world around them, which may seem like mickey-taking to the uninitiated, but is really just their way of finding out about the world. "Why does that man look sad?" for example, or "why is that lady in a wheelchair?". Perfectly innocent and reasonable questions if you think about it from their point of view.

As a parent, you are well aware of this public honesty and innocent lack of discretion. So when I decided to try and pass off my now five year-old as 'still four' - so I didn't have to pay a ridiculously expensive child fee to get into a local tourist attraction - I knew there was the risk of him telling everyone exactly how old he was and spoiling my sneaky and somewhat dishonest plan. But I carried on regardless, foolishly thinking that he would be too occupied with what was going on around him to listen to the boring chat between mummy and the cashier.

You know what's coming next, don't you? Yes, my darling little B, on hearing me telling the nice lady that he was still four for a few weeks yet, pipes up:

 "No I'm not four, I'm five now. Why are you saying I'm four, Mummy?"

image credit: telegraph.co.uk

Aaahh!! What do I do? Do I admit defeat, try make a joke out of my dishonesty, own up and pay up? Or carry on with the ruse and dig myself a deeper hole?

 In a moment of panic, and still not wanting to pay the entry fee, I blundered onwards.

"No, honey, remember you're not 5 for a few more sleeps yet". Turning to the cashier, "Won't be able to get away with not paying for much longer, he'll be five next week". I hoped that was the end of it.

But no.

image credit: bbc.co.uk

"But I'm five now mummy. Not four." and so it went on. It felt like I was standing there for hours telling the filthiest lies ever told in the known universe. (I wouldn't make a good fraudster...)

The cashier, to my amazement, gave us the free child ticket, seemingly convinced by my suave lies (or else feeling sorry for my pathetic attempt at deceipt).

An hour and a half later on our way back out, I was relieved to see we wouldn't have to skulk past the same cashier as someone else was on duty. Phew! That would have been too much for me to bear, I'd have run up to her, shouted "it's a fair cop!" or something, and flung the money on the table, begging for her forgiveness.

Suffice to say we'll not be visiting that establishment again for a wee while. I am too ashamed of my trickery and web of lies. I need to atone for my wrong-doing...

But I STILL don't agree with paying so much for a five year old to get in!