Missing my little boy

I've been really missing my little boy this weekend. Half term week has meant that he's been away at his dad's for 3 nights last weekend, and then away 3 nights this weekend too. And I'm missing his wee face. And his smart little comments and funny questions. And his singing along to Adele songs and his 'robot' dancing (sometimes at the same time!).

I should be well used by now to him being at his dad's. Afterall, he's been staying with him for 1 or 2 nights every week since we separated. But I've never quite got used to it, feeling relieved to get a break from 24/7 single parenthood on the one hand, but still missing my wee boy like mad on the other.

So this week the extra nights apart from him have been hard. I've felt like i'm right back at the beginning, when this all started, 18 months ago. I hate him going away every weekend, because I hate what it means. I hate that he has to go between me and his dad's, I hate that he'll never wake up in the morning and see mummy and daddy together in the same place, that he'll either be with me or with daddy, never both of us.

I. don't. want. to. be. a. single. parent. This is not what I want for me, and it's definitely not what I want for B. And it sucks.

Am I being self-pitying? Yes. Do I deserve a little bit of indulgent self-pity occasionally? I reckon so.