Silent Sunday

End of an era

Today we marked the end of the first major chapter in B's life - his 'graduation' from nursery.

There were nine other little ones (or not so little any more...) graduating too. Mummies, daddies and the odd granny and papa (including B's gran, and Daddy) filed in to the preschool room, took their seats as best they could in toddler chairs (!), packets of tissues and cameras on standby. B had a new shirt on for the occasion, which he had apparently been unbuttoning all morning and 'flashing' the other children. (oh dear). Fortunately all the buttons were where they should be by graduation time.

I was wondering what 'graduation' would actually mean for preschoolers. The 'Order of Service' sheets (how cute!) handed out explained there would be the usual introduction and welcomes, a few songs, the 'graduation' itself, a few other songs and then some snacks and nibbles. Of course, given we're talking about organising nine 4/5 yr olds, the planned order didn't quite go to schedule...

We did get a rousing rendition of The Wheels on the Bus, one girl singing* (*for singing, substitute shouting as loudly as possible) her own version all the way through. Next came the handing out of certificates, enthusiastic applause from the audience, and then an attempt to hold each child still for long enough to get a photo which didn't have a finger up a nose or certificate in front of the face. Then the pre-school teacher attempted to give a little speech, but another staff member had to take over as emotions got the better of her. That nearly had me going, but actually I was far more composed than I thought i was going to be.

We had another few songs after that, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and another one about turtles I think...

And that was that. He's still got  a week or so of actual nursery still to go, i think i'll be bit more emotional when we have to do the actual goodbyes. Although it did dawn on me just a little while ago that today was the last day in nursery that he'll get to see his best little buddy, the two of them being inseparable for the past 3 years. They're going to different schools too, and although i'm sure they will see each other again, I know they'll miss each other terribly.

Wow, big day today. One down, the next big one to follow when school starts in a few weeks time. Phew. Think a wee glass of something is in order now.

Headless Chickens

I was at a local farm park the other day. We came across the chickens at one point. One of them had its head turned right round, buried into its body. It looked like it had no head. But it wasn't strutting, flailing about, like you'd expect from the proverbial 'headless chicken'.

And I'm definitely flailing! My head is completely bursting at the moment with too much stuff spilling out of it.

Like, Getting stuff ready for my holiday next week, including getting a wedding outfit (friend getting married abroad, so making a wee - and well-deserved - holiday out of it). And not stressing about getting on a plane for the first time in 4 years. And I hate flying.

2. Planning B's birthday party and all that that entails. Even at 5 yrs old, the trauma at trying to work out who to invite, have i remembered everyone? Am I going to offend anyone if i forget to invite them? Do i invite everyone B mentions (he comes out with names I've never heard of before and talks about them as if they're best mates... for that week anyway)

3. Get B's birthday pressies. I'm at a loss as to what to get him this year! All he wants is more trains. NO!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO MORE TRAINS!! He is a total train fanatic. I can see him, 20 years from now, anorak and thick-rimmed NHS glasses with his notebook and pencil at the end of some random train platform in the middle of nowhere jotting down the train numbers. 

4. Preparing for B starting P1 this year. This is a whole week's worth of posts right here, mostly about me coping with the idea of him going to school... Not to mention afterschool and holiday childcare, etc etc ...

5. And of course, there's just the small matter of trying to find a job at the same time.

When am I supposed to have the time to work?!?!

Messy

B's Quote of the Week
When I asked him how he enjoyed his weekend, which included a picnic in the countryside:

"You know what? Cowpats. All over the place."



'Nuff said.

Freaky Fridays

I don't particularly like the last day of the 'working' week. I know that probably sounds strange, given that it signals the start of the weekend, an' all that.

But it's not because I don't have a 'working week' at the moment.

I'm not happy with Fridays because it messes with my 'emotional stability', as Fridays are when B goes to stay at his dad's for some or all of the weekend. We've been doing the 'transfer' every Friday for well over a year now but it doesn't really get any easier. We meet in the train station - always a good bet with B, anything to do with trains and he's happy - , hand over his bag, pass on any relevant information for the weekend, steal as many last minute kisses and hugs as I can from B, and then watch him skip away, deliriously happy to be going to his dad's.

And then the emotional turmoil begins. When he skips off, I'm left standing in the middle of the station concourse and for a few moments, it makes me feel like someone's just stolen him from me and i'm never going to see him again. Dramatic that may sound, it's a fairly fleeting feeling fortunately, but it is there.

At the same time, I feel relieved at having some time to myself, even if its just to sit and do nowt for a while - and get a bit of a lie in. [Cos nobody can really describe the constant physical exhaustion day in, day out, at just doing the normal routine stuff as a single parent].But of course, along with the relief, the guilt comes a-calling, guilt that I would feel pleased to be spending ANY time away from my wee boy.

The worst thing about Friday though, is going home after the 'drop-off'. I hate going home on a Friday without B there, even though he's back causing havoc the next day. I hate the emptiness of the house, but I guess its more about WHY he's not there which is why I hate it. However, I'm very lucky to have some very lovely friends who often accompany me for a little drink or two, and a few moans at times, to save me from having to make that difficult return journey too early.

So it's Friday evening, and I've just gone through the whole thing for the day. Was lucky enough to meet up with a couple of friends earlier for a glass of vino (or two). Lookin' forward to a lie in tomorrow and staying up tonight watching naff on the TV. But I also will be giving B a great big squeeeezy cuddle (his favourite kind!) when I see him again.


And then it all happens again next Friday!

Where's the Sleep Mode button?

Forget linking my blog to facebook, twitter or whatever, I need a link to my brain so I can add a 'Sleep Mode' button, to shut my brain off! For the past week since I started setting up my blog and writing on it, my mind will not shut down from 'Blog Mode'. i.e. thinking everything the way I would perhaps blog it. It's been particularly bad at night when I really need to be sleeping, especially since my own personal "Alarm Clock" comes through and demands attention at some ridiculously early hour of the morning...

[This morning's alarm ringtone went like this: 
B: "Mummy, I've pulled my duvet into the hall, its an underwater sea, jasper and snowy (cuddly toys) have fallen in you need to save them". 
Me: "Once I'm awake". 
B: "Pretend you're awake now". 
And so on...]

One of the stricken toys before its underwater mishap

I even thought through this post - about not thinking too much about blogging - at Stupidly-late o'Clock last night. I'm sure it'll calm down once I'm used to the whole blogging thing, but for now I'll need to not post anything just before bedtime so I have some 'non-blogging' down time before sleep-time!

Sheesh, and I thought this blogging lark would be relaxing! x

I'll wake up in a minute, I'm sure of it.

How did I get here? 15 months ago, i was plodding along, happy (or at least comfortable) with my little piece of life, married, adorable son B, decent enough job, great friends, bit of a social life when parental duties allowed...(which probably wasn’t that often!).

Then BAM! - the first “End-of-the-World moment” arrives and i’ve become another ‘single mom’ statistic, helpless to understand what the heck just happened, heartbroken at the thought of what it will do to B. (That’s the worst part and I don’t reckon that will ever go away.)

Six months later, “End-of-the-World v.2” - the latest ‘restructure’ in work finally reaches its inescapable conclusion i.e. redundancies. Having experienced several of these restructures in my time with the organisation and been lucky enough to survive them, I guess it was inevitable I wouldn’t outlast too many more...

So a week before Christmas 2010 I’m officially unemployed. First Christmas without husband.

Happy Days indeed...

Now, I know that’s all a bit heavy-going for only post no. 2... Maybe i shouldn’t be writing this while watching the end of “Marley and Me”. Trying not to cry but oh so hard when Owen Wilson says his goodbyes to Marley in the vets... But this won’t be a forlorn or bitter blog, at least i hope not! As well as a bit of therapy for me, i hope to entertain and amuse, inform occasionally, and maybe even encourage anyone who should find themselves nodding along to some of what i have been, and am, experiencing.

Scary Stuff

I didn't think I'd feel so protective and so scared about publishing my first ever blog post.

I've scoured countless other blogs, spending far too much time looking through their archives at the very first blog to see how others have started off. Do I describe my life thus far in several succinct yet witty paragraphs, or just launch straight into what's currently on my mind today? And as I reckon not that many people will be that interested in my little slice of life anyway, why am I even worrying about it?!

So with that in mind, I'll finish my first post there. Not much to go on, granted. But more to come, so please come back!

(Phew, that wasn't too scary after all. Could get to like this blogging thing.)