Reasons to be Cheerful Week 8

I feel I need some positivity courtesy of Reasons to be Cheerful, as I'm not feeling particularly positive at the moment. I am heading inexorably towards a huge black financial hole and I'm really starting to panic. Sometimes I feel like I could be doing more to better the situation, but my confidence feels completely shot again and it is holding me back. Most times, I feel helpless to improve this situation, which makes me incredibly frustrated. To make things worse this week, a good friend has had a close family bereavement.

So I think I need an injection of positivity. Here's why I should be cheerful this week:
1. I'm going out on a rare night out with some ex-colleagues tomorrow evening, which should include a few drinks, lots of laughs and some questionable singing at karaoke. Lookin' forward to it!

2. I am really enjoying my writing class, now half way through the ten week course. It's been really interesting and a great way to stir the creative juices and get some ideas flowing.

3. I have had really bad back and neck problems the last few months, and after a first visit to an osteopath last week, I definitely feel areas have improved. My neck and back are still bothering me, but at least now I know where I can go for some relief.

4. I got an offer the other day from the project I volunteer with, to do a one off assignment, something which I've never done before and will be brilliant experience. They could have asked lots of other volunteers to do it but they asked me, and it will be a great opportunity if it comes off.

5. This may be scraping the barrel, but there's a couple of TV programmes I like just about to start back up again which bizarrely makes me happy! Wot a saddo!

That's about it for now, I should re-read this a few times to brighten my mood.

Hop on over to Mummy from the Heart to see more Reasons to be Cheerful or blog-hop below.

Missing my little boy

I've been really missing my little boy this weekend. Half term week has meant that he's been away at his dad's for 3 nights last weekend, and then away 3 nights this weekend too. And I'm missing his wee face. And his smart little comments and funny questions. And his singing along to Adele songs and his 'robot' dancing (sometimes at the same time!).

I should be well used by now to him being at his dad's. Afterall, he's been staying with him for 1 or 2 nights every week since we separated. But I've never quite got used to it, feeling relieved to get a break from 24/7 single parenthood on the one hand, but still missing my wee boy like mad on the other.

So this week the extra nights apart from him have been hard. I've felt like i'm right back at the beginning, when this all started, 18 months ago. I hate him going away every weekend, because I hate what it means. I hate that he has to go between me and his dad's, I hate that he'll never wake up in the morning and see mummy and daddy together in the same place, that he'll either be with me or with daddy, never both of us.

I. don't. want. to. be. a. single. parent. This is not what I want for me, and it's definitely not what I want for B. And it sucks.

Am I being self-pitying? Yes. Do I deserve a little bit of indulgent self-pity occasionally? I reckon so.

Bear-illiant

You know sometimes you find yourself laughing - or crying - at an ad on TV that you think really shouldn't be eliciting such strong emotions? It's only an advert, after all. And you look round at the empty room anyway to make sure noone's seen or heard you...

Clarence The Birds Eye Polar Bear is currently having that effect on me. The latest advert featuring Clarence (yes, that's his name!) where he finds all the other 'Clarences' in the freezer, looks at the camera in wide-mouthed bewilderment, then faints off his stool... it cracks me up every time!

But I'm obviously not alone, cos he's even got his own Facebook appreciation page. I'm currently waiting for B to finish a box of fish fingers so I can get enough tokens to order a real life Clarence for me him. Woohoo!

So here's to you, Clarence the Polar Bear, you make me laugh, and that's got to be a good thing!

 (and no, I'm not being sponsored by Birds Eye...)